you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
