This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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