I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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