We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My liver just had a heart attack.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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