Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I need to calm my uterus...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
