Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

he puts the penis in happiness.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.

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(417): View more from Missouri

I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(870): View more from Arkansas

To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.

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(619): View more from California

Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently

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(979): View more from Texas

There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.

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(718): View more from New York

Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.

(646): View more from New York

You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.

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(989): View more from Michigan

So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.

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