Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
