Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.

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  (412): I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life. http://tfl.nu/mibv
  Replies (8) Good night (1022) Bad night (577)
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  (661): View more from California

  Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC

  (831): View more from California

  Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.

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  (661): Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC (831): Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown. http://tfl.nu/up2g
  Replies (43) Good night (10075) Bad night (841)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?

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  (248): Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML? http://tfl.nu/ajh1
  Replies (106) Good night (22950) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head

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  (617): You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head http://tfl.nu/n3kb
  Replies (5) Good night (1115) Bad night (4060)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.

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  (810): That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head. (810): I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again. http://tfl.nu/3d2e
  Replies (17) Good night (3059) Bad night (807)
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does

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  (551): She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does http://tfl.nu/519t
  Replies (26) Good night (10333) Bad night (611)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.

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  (202): For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well. http://tfl.nu/xnfi
  Replies (46) Good night (4330) Bad night (1825)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.

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  (985): I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies. http://tfl.nu/mtcu
  Replies (50) Good night (6701) Bad night (836)
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  (845): View more from New York

  You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.

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  (845): You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake. http://tfl.nu/r8rw
  Replies (4) Good night (4888) Bad night (892)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.

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  (724): I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror. http://tfl.nu/s26b
  Replies (19) Good night (453) Bad night (1300)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof

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  (907): Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof http://tfl.nu/yowz
  Replies (5) Good night (1209) Bad night (383)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man

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  (248): Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man http://tfl.nu/pjf5
  Replies (0) Good night (283) Bad night (760)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.

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  (305): I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle. http://tfl.nu/tqe0
  Replies (6) Good night (632) Bad night (228)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice

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  (412): I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice http://tfl.nu/j429
  Replies (13) Good night (466) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed

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  (727): Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed http://tfl.nu/f4j9
  Replies (3) Good night (474) Bad night (137)

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