I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need water and some morals
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?