By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't deserve a penis
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
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he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.