Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
