Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
