I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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