he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
