i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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