That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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