If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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