Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
