I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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