my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
