yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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