He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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