I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
