i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
