apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
