Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My dick has a subreddit
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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