Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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