No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
