He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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