Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
