We named our party play list daddy issues
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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