There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
