I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
