Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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