return my video game
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
