You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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