operation have a gay friend backfired
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
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If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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