weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
