i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
