I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
