This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
