I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
