Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
