Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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