my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
