But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
okay pat passed out under dana's car
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
