I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
