I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize