the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
