what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
