i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
