FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
