I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
