nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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