What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
