If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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