I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
