Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
this boner is exhausting
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
