well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
