Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
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He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
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the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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