At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
