Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
