I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
