Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
