What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
