Im at strip club and am horny
need another drink. this is the easiest way
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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