theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
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i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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