Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
