I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize