i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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