Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
