So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
