You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
