When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
