I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
