i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
